Darkness spreads across the land. Terrified rumors spread of a menace threatening the very existance of Norrath! What is it, you might ask. Dragons? The Gods? It's worse. Norrath has been invaded by... chests!
January 31, 2017. My men/women and I are taking out another position occupied by alien snakes. The deep lines of exhaustion are etched into our faces as we rally once more to destroy the enemy strongpoints and not get a robe off Emperor for the 19th clear in a fucking row.
I hear the frustration in their voices as they speculate on the viability of going back in time to sterilize Holly Longdale's mother before she fucked the goat that got her pregnant. I see the tell windows open up with weary questions; what raid is next? Can I bring my level 52 alt to loot those boots since nobody's bidding more than 0? Why did you split my box and main into two different groups?
I can't see the raid window very well anymore through my bleary eyes. I lead them forward for the promise of better days ahead. But hope is dwindling. We press ahead not out of love of guild, or love of loot, or even hatred of stupid fucking snakes, but because it is all we know.
February 1, 2017.
This is basically what I've looked like for the last five weeks.
Yes, PoP is finally here. I remember Lincoln's words at the close of the Civil War. Thank God, that I have lived to see this. It seems to me I have been living a horrid dream for the past 14 months, and now the nightmare is gone. I want to see Coirnav the Avatar of Water.
Or something like that. At any rate, even the fact I'm still wearing a Supple Scale Armband from Karnor's Castle couldn't dampen my spirits! We're in PLANES OF POWER!
I know what you're thinking. "Soth, your O-face is lovely, but I came here to get an update on what Mendacium is doing and what you guys are killing." First of all, no you didn't, you came here to see if you were mentioned in the update. Second of all, fear not, sports fans, I've got just the thing for you:
Shit, sorry, wrong one, that's a picture of me roughly 45 minutes into every raid night. Where was I again?
There we go! Back on track!
So much fun, you guys. I love PoP so much I don't even care that our last 3 Fennin Ro kills have yielded a fucking ornament instead of an elemental legs, that's how much I love PoP.
Now this was a fun fight. We have already had Oliviya coordinating a mass sick-call-off of our clerics the next time we do it, which is why I'm keeping the schedule a secret! It's good to be the king!
So many dead gods, you guys.
Just in case you can't see her properly, Branka got another closeup shot of Xegony:
Branka, as you can see, is like school in summertime: no class. I attempted to express to her how disappointed I was in her shenanigans, but she was too busy eating fudge, wearing awful pink gear, and being level 62 to listen to my entreaties. What's a guy to do?
I know you want to see all 78 or whatever bosses in the Plane of Time dead, but we've been at this for a while now and just want to get it over with so we can clean up and go about our day, so let's skip ahead a little bit to the money shot:
Quarm down in under a month, without adding any raid days to our schedule and not leaving anybody behind! (EVERYBODY LOVES BACKFLAGGING!) I was, as usual, so proud of this guild I could spit. And did, when we failed to get a timeless robe pattern off the fucker. Maybe by the time Gates rolls around.
Come join the fun today! Especially if you're a cleric! Our next Rathe Council is going to cause stress-related heart attacks in at least half of them, spots opening up!
Aysilla's application to become an officer, in full:
I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THAT MEANS SCURNZ
We present to you the only reason to return to Vex Thal after Planes of Power is out.
And yes, for any of you non-raiders out there, this is exactly what's going on every time you see an AHR kill message nowadays.
Want a place where my dots land every fight, Luclin just ain't right
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to all the raid bosses that I knew
You're right before the one I love
The one thing I just wanted to get past
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to all the raid bosses that I knew
You're right before the one I love
The one thing I just wanted to get past
The one thing I just wanted to get past.....
And when Tuesday midnight comes I will lie awake
You're my shooting star
SEE YOU IN THE PLANES
Not to say we had no fun in Luclin. Far from it. Even I had fun! For example, some of our running jokes throughout this entire expansion were "repeatedly send Soth tells for invites 10 seconds after mass raid invite", "claim you missed the DZ add because you were zoning" and the ever popular "I know you're DPSing, healing, dealing with tells and the raid window and navigating a box through Ssraeshzsa Temple's fucking awful tubes, but can I get a coth because I do not know the way to the basement despite killing Cursed literally 20 times now?" It brought a warm glow to my heart and a hot belching sensation to my stomach every time, let me tell you!
Why did these people not know how to get to the basement? How did they fall in the lava for the 7th time that night? What happened to make them need to afk before every single locked door in Vex Thal? Perhaps they were busy downloading enough child pornography to make Humbert Humbert look like John Ashcroft. Perhaps they were posting a long manifesto on the Stormfront forums against the proliferation of the mud races in the US. We don't know! The possibilities are endless! But the speculation is what made Luclin, for me, a big hoot from start to finish!
But all shenanigans aside, we did manage to clear Luclin in under a month, then farm gear for 3.5 months while we impatiently waited for an expansion that didn't suck to come around. I did have plenty of time, in between watching Diabo Xi Va not drop a Zevfeer's Shroud every single goddamn week, and drift off fantasizing about the elemental planes while doing my raidleader duty to the sour and demanding Vex Thal, to get many, many screenshots.
You know how you guys ask me what in God's name all these people are sending me tells about all the time? It's this kind of thing.
I asked Cukazi to sum up Kaiman and I's founding of the guild and leading it through good times and bad, to strive for excellence all the time, every time, to be classy and professional while doing it, and to make sure everyone had a good time as much as we were humanly able to, over the past year, in no more than two words:
And when you're awake.
Kaiman's super secret strats to trick healers into his groups.
Felinius clearly has no idea who he's dealing with.
Many guildmates lost DKP to bring you these screenshots:
Even the NPCs have to get into the act.
We decided to do something different in Kael one day since being there for the 72nd time was making us all want to kill ourselves. Kilwen, our resident ranger officer, volunteered to make it more interesting.
I think that's the closest the game could get to seeing us use a ranger to tank AoW and telling us all to go fuck ourselves.
Yes, that's right folks. We quite easily downed all of the end-raid content in Velious, only about a month into the expansion -- we're just THAT good. Due to an influx of quite a few members members from The (now defunct) Nameless Tribunal, who have proven to be invaluable and amazing contributors to the guild, we were able to steamroll all of Kael and TOV. I don't have a screenshot of the Vulak kill, but here's one of our first AoW kill, for posterity:
We've learned to employ some tried and true techniques that have helped us be successful in some of the more difficult encounters, namely utilizing the audio trigger function that the game provides. You will often hear people calling AOE's in Teamspeak during these fights, and I can only imagine this is how they feel about that:
With all this raiding, many of our sub-60 members have had to really put their noses to the grindstone to get those levels so they could regularly join us on raids. I know it can't be easy to listen to all of us raiding while you're mindlessly xp'ing, but we salute you, folks. This meme is for you.
Since changing our guild bind spot to the WL side of Kael, mobilization has been far easier for most of our major targets. However, on nights when we must adventure through Cobalt Scar and across Siren's Grotto to raid in ToV, latecomers to the raid often find themselves resorting to interesting tactics to procure a port. Ladysoth is no stranger to this dilemma. I am going to begin calling him the Melania Trump of Mendacium if he continues such overt plagiarization while giving speeches.
Eradul has apparently been harassing the young and impressionable wood elf females in Kelethin, and finally got caught red-handed. Meanwhile, Beebop has been tormenting the erectionally challenged customers at her pharmacy with phony generic drug names. It's pretty rare that two update-worthy screenshots appear in the same capture, so please enjoy this little gem.
Our necromancers have been working very hard during raids to keep our healers full on mana. To speed things up, most of them have made cleverly perverted hotkeys to indicate who is receiving their mana dump. One night,Sunaru asked for mana after buffing, and mana bukkake quickly followed. Look out, Sunaru -- there's a little..........something......stuck in your hair.
Ladysoth, our fearless leader, uses a variety of techniques to keep us properly motivated. P.S.: Capslock is cruise control for cool, right Soth?
To say that Arcanion and I have some interesting conversations during raids would be a huge understatement. I could do an entire update just with screenshot-worthy gems sent to me by Marcus, but this one is definitely one of my favorites. Apparently, once you go black (chips), you never go back, right Goonther?
Have you ever wondered what it takes to become an officer in Mendacium? Gorfang bought his spot in o-chat, folks. Apparently all it takes is 1k worth of potions sent to Bromm's parcel inbox. I am also accepting potion donations, which will move you to the top of the rez and buff list during raids. I promise.
Zumobog doesn't often lose his cool, but when he does, it's epic. Here's Zumobog swearing a blue streak during a Kael raid. I have to admit, this kind of turned me on a little bit.
Laddorus has quickly become one of those guild members who keeps my screenshot finger busy. Here's a couple examples of some of his finer work.
Yashinda's nerd runs deep, y'all. It's amazing to me that he actually has a girlfriend nowadays. I wonder if he actually tried to make this fantasy a reality? I imagine him sneaking out of bed in the middle of the night to crouch sneakily in front of his computer, running CH chains, camping PoHate for hours on end, all while his "girlfriend" sleeps peacefully in the next room. I'm still not sure if this girlfriend of his requires inflation or not. Perhaps we should make him post a picture of her...
Last but not least, Carnage always keeps us informed on current events within the bestiality community. I shudder when I consider what horrors lurk in his internet search history. Also, Maryiene - you dirty, dirty girl. BDSM? The things you learn about people when raids run late....
Until next time, folks. My semi-MIA status for the next couple of months means I'm not there to capture as much screenshot gold, and I know I've probably missed some amazing material. Please forward anything you think might be worth an update to either Ladysoth or myself. We don't say this enough, but each and every one of you is an important part of our success. We couldn't do it without you!
Well, to say that we have been kicking ass and taking names in Velious since it's premature arrival one week early would be an understatement. We are clearing content like crazy, and having a hell of a lot of fun doing it!
The only thing we've not downed yet in Kael is Idol and AoW, but I can promise you, they are on our list. We attempted to down Sontalak with a small force last Saturday night, and learned a lot about what (and who) it will take to make her our bitch. Expect updates announcing her demise in the very near future.
Zlandicar, Yelinak, multiple Western Wastes Dragons, and the Dain have all felt our wrath. We've braved the depths of Skyshrine, enjoyed the frustration of CoH raids and succors across Siren's Grotto, and been squashed by a pissed off Wuoshi at the Wakening Lands portals. Aaaaah, EQ nostalgia. There is nothing quite like it.
We are in full swing with recruitment, so if you are reading this wondering if Mendacium is a good fit for you, please don't hesitate to regsiter here and submit an application. Our hardworking officer team is always on call to answer questions and get your application processed ASAP. We need people willing to jump in with us feet first and get stuff DONE!
Here is a picture of a very dead Yelinak, who we downed on our first attempt ever:
Another exciting development this week was the acquisition of Bromm's last piece for the elusive Enchanter epic, made possible by a hardy band of adventurers who answered Eradul's call to action when the Wraith of Shissar was found up in Fear. Revamped Fear is no joke, folks. Oh, and we all learned that Eradul has far too much fun being in Bromm's pants for raids.
Leading up to the acquisition of this highly coveted epic, Bromm spent many long nights balls deep in various maze-like zones, often alone, camping rare drops for his snake stick. I am the first to say that I know this looks bad, but it really was quite innocent. But, between Trailmix and George the voyeurs, Soth supine on the bed, and Bromm sitting submissively in the corner, I know it looks very threesomesque. Let's just say I was young, and I needed the money.
A word to the wise: Ladysoth fails at cyber. Proof below.
During our most recent Kael raid, Ralfael got told to stand in the corner by the Statue in Kael. He was more than eager to comply, and promptly turn his back on him.
Of course, the truth came out about why Ralf suddenly turned his back on the Statue. I can always count on Jucylips to give me the lowdown.
Beebee offered us a very reasonable explanation about why Ralfael chose this particular tanking technique.
Beebee has lots of interesting ideas about lots of things, including how to name characters.
I think the drudgery and boredom of the VP Key camp drove many to do things they would eventually regret. I stumbled across Wwaan and Handjab, practically twins, you notice, selling their monk bodies in the basement of KC in exchange for loot rights to the VKR piece. Notice that Arcanion is first in line.
You guys, I have finally discovered the reason Summit is always AFK.
TRIGGER WARNING: This may summon up images of masturbating iksars that you do not want burned into your delicate pysche. Proceed with caution.
Pro Tip: When negotiating for good groups on raids, always offer sexual favors to the Raid Leader.
You guys may not know this, but EQ was around during the Civil War. Soth is a former history teacher, so I trust him. You should too.
Beebop seems to have an unhealthy curiosity about what Ladysoth wears under his robe, as evidenced by the following exchange, which went in a direction on one ever expected it to go...
Who am I kidding. This is Mendacium. Of course it went there.
I have about a dozen other update-worthy screenshots, but I'm going to make you wait for the next update to view those gems. In the meantime, keep doing what you do, Mendacium - and beware. I have a screenshot-happy finger....
If you have been spammed lately with yellow text announcing the death of baddies like Cazic-Thule, Innoruuk, Phinigel Autropos, Talendor, Severilous, etc...we apologize. WE ARE ON A ROLL downing the real world bosses! We are pretty sure Bromm's head exploded when Soth texted him that night we did 3 or 4 in a row. See below as Branka scores the rare cleric melee kill on CT, aided by her trusty Mudman Enforcer.
On Monday, we had our first guild adventure into Veeshan's Peak, which resulted in some entertaining attempts on Silverwing with only 20 people in the raid. We managed to get her down to 23%, which is pretty impressive considering it was our first time in the zone. We expect to have her scaly ass on farm very soon, along with all of her leezard friends. I suspect that soon, this will be Soth's sentiments on VP in general:
Just in case you were wondering, guys -- the officers are always here to help. Are you having an issue with another member? Do you have a question about your dkp? Are you camping an important spawn for your VP key or your epic, and you need help? Are you needing an extended hiatus for real life stuff, as we all need from time to time? TALK TO US. ASK QUESTIONS. I mean come on, see below - Ladysoth is willing to go to just about any length to support you, as are the rest of us. That is what we are here for - so please, use and abuse us as you see fit - but bring a change of pants.
With Velious not very far away, we are desperately trying to assemble a reliable raid force, and get some good practice in building our skills as raiders on some of the end-game Kunark targets. We are ALWAYS recruiting, much to the chagrin of my endlessly full tell window, but I say BRING IT ON! THE MORE THE MERRIER! We have recently implemented a krono reward system for those who bring us bards and clerics. For more specific details about that, see the forums.
Remember, though, guys. It's ok to get outside once in awhile (as long as it is not raid time) and get some fresh air. Nobody in the guild is in more need of that than our beloved cleric Yashinda. When you do nothing but talk about Everquest on dates, it's time to either a): step away from the computer for a few hours a day, or b): introduce him/her to Everquest and help him/her powerlevel a bard, then begin planning the Norrathian wedding extravaganza.
Here are some recent gems from Yashinda.
Have you ever wondered why I always put Drax in a group with another healer on raids? Well, here's why, folks. This is how I imagine he looks right before a dragon fight. We love you Drax, but seriously - I am not buying for one minute that you are alteration specialized!
One of our most recent members, Summit, has decided to modify his wardrobe, in hopes of perhaps distracting mobs for us during imminent wipes. I for one believe this outfit would daze and confuse any mob set on killing clerics as they try to camp. Thanks, Summit, for your amazing dedication to the cause!
And to round off this whimsical update, here is a little story for you all. A few days ago, I was in a lovely Chardok bank xp group with Alphabitt and Mindar and a few other unguilded people. Our tank was an ogre female SK named Xenasten, and she definitely provided some "WTF" entertainment for us. Here is a picture of Xenasten:
They always say, watch out for the quiet ones. Well, this adage proved frighteningly true. I commented on how big her axe was, especially when she was in skeleton form. This was the response:
Just out of the blue, folks. 3 hours of xp grinding, not a word aside from telling us when to move, incoming messages, and he/she busts out with a dildo comment. Oh, but wait. There's more. Our bard, Jongleur (who reminded me a bit of Poncho, see my post on the forums about that from awhile back) was not going to be outdone by a silly dildo reference. I am still gagging a little bit when I read this, and misery loves company, so....enjoy.
Later on near the end of the group, Xenasten began talking about how he/she was hungry, and decided to let us know what was on the menu.
I swear, folks. I sometimes think I am flypaper for freaks. My PUG groups are never dull, I will give you that.
Thank you all for doing what you do. This guild continues to amaze me with its ability to pull together and smash targets with quickness and ease. I predict we will only continue to grow in strength and prowess as more levels come and as we recruit more like-minded compatriots. Until next time....
I think I speak for the majority of the guild right now when I say....
FU Veeshan's Peak Key!
............there, I feel better now.
I think Neighter sums up how we all feel about this ridiculously bottle-necked, soul-crushing key grind quite nicely here:
We have also been very busy helping mains and alts alike get their epic weapons, which has led to a seriously amazing increase in our DPS and our ability to down bosses more efficiently. Our fearless leader Ladysoth has had a really good run of luck lately obtaining not only his epic, but a mana robe off Trak AND a BCG off of Dracoliche. And now, when we ask him to twitch clerics on raids, this is the response we get, because he's too busy trying to top Punchis on the dps charts.
Here are some more of Ladysoth's thoughts on why it was important for him to obtain his epic.
We still haven't seen that elusive CoF drop from Naggy, but I am beginning to think the rogues have something to do with that.
We recently downed open world Cazic, proving we do have the werewithal to pull together and hit targets quickly and efficiently. However, we did just lose an Undead Bard spawn -- proving yet again how important it is for us to have burst dps/discs for these highly contested targets, when prizes like the bard epic are at stake. Without those epics, bards be like....
And here you go folks, a very rare look at Beebee right after obtaining the coveted SK epic...
Reminder: Never share late night grind group confessionals with Soth, like how you might sort of kind of have a vent crush on Beebee's voice. He will never forget. HE REMEMBERS EVERYTHING, and digs up quotes like this with which to shame you when you least expect it. You have been warned.
Since I covered most of the current stuff going on in the guild right now, I will now just continue to regale you with some really fantastic screenshots collected from all over Norrath. Enjoy, and appropriate commentary will be inserted where necessary.
First, we delve into the weird fetishes of a couple of our members:
I always wondered how Soth paid for all those accounts....
Dwarves, Gnomes, and Halflings, beware. Exolus might be crouching outside your window at night with some lube and a half a dozen clean socks...
A few interesting snippets from officer chat, where things can get a bit rowdy at times.
Diiso recently admitted he learned about the metric system from buying drugs, and that spiraled down into a deep dark place we should never revisit.
Alphabitt admitted he might also have an addiction issue when it comes to chocolate.
If anything, we have fun in this guild. We might be a ragtag band of degenerate miscreants, but our guildchat is some of the raunchiest and most entertaining drivel I've ever read, and for that...I love every one of you bitches.
The merger with Vinatta did not go through for various reasons. No worries though, and we wish them luck in their endeavors. Meanwhile, we're getting back to business as usual ourselves, with our sight determinedly set on dragons. Recruitment is going hard, and we're picking up some very good people to join our family here. Also, our new dkp system goes live today, for Tuesday's raid, where all of our current recruits become grandfathered in as full fledged members. A big welcome and congrats to all of them! That's about all the news for now, so we'll see you in game!
Another good night in Fear with Vinatta, all golems down! So fast I was wondering if someone highsun'ed them back into the zone. Ask Soth. I actually asked where the damn boss went. He said we killed it. I was busy mezzing adds and runing people and not watching mob health. Good job folks on the dps! Draco down to just about half life. For the hardest dragon in the game and our first earnest attempt at him, that's fantastic.
Keep up the quest for levels and resist gear and hopefully we'll have this merge in the bag soon and we can get back to business as usual!
Our first joint raid to Hate with Vinatta yesterday was a success. Three groups turned out allowing us to take down Maestro and the High Priest as well as collect some much needed class gear and resist gems. Thank you everyone who participated.
Tomorrow (Tuesday) we will be joining Vinatta on a Sky raid to continue to get to know each other. Everyone raid level is encouraged to attend.
In the mean time, continue gearing resist for the eventual dragon battles. Our hope is to down our first dragon before next week, possibly Thursday or Saturday if everything works out as planned. Also keep an eye on the Guild Bank Wiki for any upgrades or quest pieces needed. Everything listed is on a first come, first serve basis, so send a Tell or post to the Banke Request forum section for anything needed.